Back on the Path

Back to writing after a winter hiatus.

Apr 01, 2026

Tonight I had the first milkshake of 2026 on the warmest day that New York City has had this year. It’s the first few real days of spring after one of the harshest winters I’ve experienced in 10 years. I wore a short sleeve shirt and actually felt the warm air while walking back to my apartment, milkshake in hand. The ice cream spot on my corner was packed. It felt so refreshing, and now all I need is my first haircut since mid-November to let the winter go.

I haven’t written an entry here since Bad Bunny’s performance at the Super Bowl in February. During that time, I was taking in so much art especially an undertaking of finishing the Brothers Karamazov along with my first viewing of the anime epic, Neon Genesis Evangelion, so I needed some time to let all that soak in. I also just didn’t feel right, I didn’t have the inspiration to write due to my day job being busier than I’d expected last month which is not a feeling that I want to replicate. I took this job to be able to put energy into the things I really care about.

This winter I made a pledge to myself to consume as much art as I can so I can reflect it back into my own writing. I’ve been taking time to do this, and I also lost some inspiration due to this focus on trying to figure out my new career path. Lots of internal distractions that kept me away from the act of writing. And like I said, I don’t want to go through that type of creative lull again.

I went to Miami at the end of February for one of my dear friends’ bachelor party. Even though I lived in Florida for years, my family never traveled to South Florida. While it still has some of the trademarks of the Gulf Coast, it’s a totally different vibe and unique to itself. That weekend with friends helped get me out of this haze of work and helped me reset.

Follow that up with a first time viewing of 80s coming of age classic, Vision Quest, whose titular character Louden Swain (portrayed by Matthew Modine) helped get my mind right. Cue up that opening scene of Swain starting his day early in the morning running across a bridge in Spokane, WA, while Journey’s “Only The Young” plays in the background. A propulsive opening for someone sitting on their couch reflecting on their youth while also being nostalgic for a time they never lived. While the dialogue and aspects of the film have not aged well at all, I was surprised how much I loved Modine’s portrayal of Swain. The film centers on Swain who’s a successful wrestler at 178 pounds but decides on a whim to train and drop down to 168 pounds in order to wrestle an undefeated state champion named Shute. Everyone tells him he’s crazy, he’s got no chance and that he shouldn’t go through with his relentless training. I won’t spoil the film but I just admired how Swain just decided to go for it and I’ve missed that feeling.

Life changes as you get older but I still want to keep chasing those dreams I had as a kid. My home life has never been better, my relationships with my friends have never been better, and I’m in a really good place right now. I don’t know where I’ll end up going but all I want to do is keep being creative.

During this harsh winter, I did a lot of introspection. My brother had been putting me onto Fyodor Dostoyevsky, the revered Russian literary figure, he’d been urging me to read The Brothers Karamazov all of 2025 once he completed it. I tackled his other books, Crime & Punishment and Notes From Undergound in the fall before beginning Karamzov around Christmas. Alyosha, the stories main protogonist and the younger of the three Karamazov brothers is undoubtildly one of my favorite characters in literature. The embodiment of pure good, a character that is so empathetic and trustworthy that he’s perceived as a holy fool from the outside. His journey throughout the course of the book helped me reflect on my own path and commit to a humble love.

While consuming Brothers K, I was also watching Neon Genesis Evangelion. A dark examination into the human psyche much like Brothers Karamazov but more about shedding away depression. The main protagonist, Shinji, is so consumed with grief from the loss of his mother and chasing the admiration of his father that he can’t pilot his life. He let’s go of the wheel of life, letting others determine his fate. The series is one of the best I’ve seen but also a pretty depressing venture but one that offers hope towards the end but in such a confusing manner.

I guess, the jist of all this exposition is this winter I wanted to dig into my soul and find out who I am. Let go of the weight and remain a good man for the people in my life.

“You will behold great sorrow, and in this sorrow you will be happy. Here is a commandment for you: seek happiness in sorrow.” - The Brothers Karamazov

“Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. After all, you are alive, so you will always have the chance to be happy.” - Neon Genesis Evangelion

“But all I ever settled for is that we're born to live and then to die, and... we got to do it alone, each in his own way. And I guess that's why we got to love those people who deserve it like there's no tomorrow. 'Cause when you get right down to it - there isn't.” - Vision Quest

Songs I’ve Been Obsessed With…